Obama has Offical Food Taster - no kidding!

The political news here is boring to all but the most mundane of journalists. O is falling in popularity. The latest anecdote about his self-image is the news that he refused to dine with a group of selected politicians hosted by a political figure from the state of Maine and featuring one of America's most iconic dishes: lobster. One might blame allergies, a dislike for bottom feeders, cholesterol issues and a host of other possibilities.

 

The simple truth is that O found himself isolated from his food taster and would not touch a thing. Yes, Robin, I said food taster. We Americans have now graduated to the rank of royalty well above that of the UK and modern-day lords and ladies. We have indeed gone back in history to the epoch of Louis IV and what we are now promoting as the Sun President.

 

O has an official food taster and as such, the OFT tastes everything the President is served. Well, I am not sure that Michelle's breakfast is spiced with the OFT. Nor am I sure that Michelle actually prepares breakfast for our Royal President. How absolutely out of touch with the people of America can one get when POTUS needs to have an OFT?

 

And I thought the big news this week was a Jesuit Pope. The entire Vatican drama will be overshadowed by tales of O and his OFT. I wonder if the OFT is limited to determining whether the food fit for a POTUS is poisoned or not. How long does it take for food ingested by an OFT to expire should his sample be contaminated with a deadly brew? Then again, I wonder if the OFT is also commissioned to opine on the quality, taste and presentation of Presidential epicurian potpourri. Does OFT drink the water, taste the wine, sip the cocktails? Is there a relief OFT who spells the No. I OFT when on holiday?  Just how many OFT's are there? What is the qualification top become one?

 

I suspect that O's OFT would first of all have to be a Democrat who has sworn a loyalty oath to POTUS and who have been thoroughly vetted by the FBI, CIA, NSC and the Secret Service. It would not surprise me if such a process took so long that by the time the OFT was cleared, we had elected a POTUS from the opposing party. Perhaps the current OFT was actually vetted to serve Bill Clinton, but by the time he or she was sworn in, W was in office.

 

Had the OFT served under Clinton, I wonder if the person would have been obliged to sample some of Bill's concubines, lady friends, aides, and the like. Perhaps there was another type of OFT for that type of work. We cannot be too careful these days and it may be much easier to have offed Bill through a lady friend than by serving him a lobster dinner. Indeed, many Americans are amazed that Hillary didn't hire someone to serve Bill that lobster dinner.

Others might confide that Hillary had lobsters of her own in the closet.

 

Returning to the point, the POTUS now has an official food taster. His or her importance must be such that in his or her absence, POTUS refuses to dine. I cannot help but wonder if the current OFT has some sort of death wish, or is simple a super patriot willing to be poisoned for America's greater glory. Further to the point, does O have an Official Bullet Taker? I should think so and the OBT would surely have to be someone who is independent of the Secret Service body guards who are all primed to take a bullet for our dear leader.

 

The OBT would have to be a stealthy figure who nobody would suspect but who is ever present. Perhaps it is our VPOTUS, or one of O's chief and omnipresent advisors. It has to be asked as well whether the OBT would also stop a knife, or do we also need an Official Back Stabber. Add to this an Official Insult Absorber and we are almost to a point where O needs to appoint a Queen of Hearts. Either gender would do for this position.

 

So, ye olde England, we have finally advance to the realm of royalty and you know what, we can afford it.