That Olympic opening show.........

We are supposed to be world champs at ceremonies.

I suffered an hour of the opening.

Silly. Pointless. Vulgar. Meaningless to foreigners. And blindingly boring.

I thought at least this bit might be worth watching, even though I had been warned by reports of cows, sheep and Maypole dancing.

Well, it seems that the world was happy with it. Even AA Gill thought it wonderful and that professional grouch takes a lot of pleasing.

Here is the take from Hay Texas:

Your Olympic opening ceremony performance was spectacular. It enjoyed rave reviews all over America. I only saw half an hour’s worth while dining by myself in Houston at a pub near our house. What a performance. It outdid Beijing’s ceremonies by far but, it also raised the bar to seriously challenge the imagination and pocketbook of the next sponsor.

Snaps I saw of the Queen’s prescence at the ceremony were most disconcerting as she looked very old, tired and somewhat out of it. The Daily Mail said her expressions were ‘business like’ but I suspect she was not herself that evening.

And trust the authorities to give us a laugh.

We have the Old Bill losing the keys to the stadium (perhaps they were nicked by G4S).

After the tickets racket we now have 12,000 empty because the fat-cats for whom they were reserved can’t be bothered to turn up.

We have the butcher threatened with prosecution for displaying his sausages as Olympic rings. And a baker for doing the same with his bagels.

Let’s hope they choose to go to court, before Mr Justice Cocklecarrot (Haddock QC, defending).

But not so funny for a London businessman. He bought a shop and stock. Some of the stock carried the Olympic symbol. He was prosecuted by Westminster Council and fined £4,000 plus £8,500 costs