Flying for dummies..

A widow of our acquaintance is about to go on an exciting long-haul trip somewhere east of Suez. She is slightly baffled by the intricacies of modern-day air-travel (aren’t we all!), because her late husband used to make all travel arrangement, so I have called down on 54 years of international travel to give her a few tips. For what they are worth, here they are;

 

First up, check your passport expiry date. If that seems like a statement of the bleedin’ obvious, not everybody appreciates that a valid passport is often not enough. Increasing numbers of countries are now insisting on six months validity before the expiry date. I always renew mine about a year before expiry, so it will be valid for nearly 11 years.

 

So now we can get started.

 

Before booking your ticket, check with the on-line agencies like Expedia or Tripadvisor to get a broad order of cost. If you have to make a connection, ensure that your baggage will go through to your destination. There’s no fun in having to pass immigration and customs at an intermediate airport and then go through all the security etc. hassle again just to save a few quid on the ticket.

 

On-line or agent? I prefer an agent. His job is to sort out any problems and take care of the detail. Remember to book your seat at the same time. I nearly got bumped in Houston last month despite checking-in more than 3 hours before departure because there were only 2 unreserved seats left on the entire flight. Don’t pay by credit card – you may be charged commission. Debit card is OK.

 

Do you need a visa? I always get my travel agent to handle this; it takes out the hassle. But don’t take the agent’s word as to whether a visa is needed. My agent told me that my Thailand visa was valid for 90 days. It isn’t. It’s 60 days. Check it out yourself.

 

Distances to the gate seem to get longer. T5 at LHR is a nightmare. So if you have a problem with your pins, ask the agent to reserve ‘ mobility assistance’. This whisks you through formalities and gives you priority boarding. And gets you quickly through the immigration queues on return.

 

So now you are ready to go.

 

Keep your passport and other documents about your person. Travelling to NZ, my neighbour had everything in his carry-on, which was nicked at Heathrow.

 

How will you dress? The least amount of outer clothing, because you will have to take it all off at security. I wear a light anorak and sweater which I remove on arriving inside the terminal and put in my carry-on, arriving at security in shirt sleeves. I wear trader-pants with lots of zip-up pockets. My passport goes in the long leg-pocket. My wallet in the front zip-up. The usual location in the hip pocket makes itself felt when you have been sitting on it for 12 hours.

 

Avoid lace-up shoes. You may have to take them off at security.

 

How long will it take to get to the airport? Double it! I’ve had the lot – car break-down, puncture on the M25, driver going to the wrong airport.

 

You have now checked-in and face security. At LHR and LGW it’s pretty slick. But make sure that you have no uneccessaries in your pockets, no liquids and no ’sharps’ – look in the bin and see how many people forget the rule. Don’t make eye contact and NEVER give the security official any verbals, however grumpy you might be feeling.

 

As we used to say on Zambia Airways ‘Enjoy your fright!.