Rolf Harris: 'We are all guilty........!

 ‘White male over 60? Then you are likely to be a criminal’. This is the clear implication of R. vs. Harris.

 

There has been scant information of what he actually did. Perhaps the hacks were spending all their time covering the trials of Andy Coulson and the woman with hair like an explosion in a mattress factory. Just what did Rolf do with his didgeridoo? We gather that he was a serial groper.

 

Back in the long-gone era before the Pill, sex, drugs ‘n rock and roll, groping was part of a young man’s rite of passage. It was called ‘heavy petting’ by the Agony Aunts; not by us, though; we were the Wandering Hands Gang. It was the closest that a lad got to the real deal until he went into an unwisely early marriage out of sheer frustration.

 

One witness said that he touched her on the breast. Outrageous! Another on the bottom. Disgusting! He is alleged to have twanged a girl’s knicker elastic. Presumably this was around her waist, unless she was wearing the knee-length wrist-breakers of old. We would go for the bra strap in preference. He put his hand up the back of a girl’s leg, for which she was paid £33,000 by the meeja in Oz when she recently sold the story. We favoured the front of the leg until restrained about 6 inches into the journey.

 

Needless to say, some of the victims are hungrily eyeing Harris’ £11 million stash and seeking compensation. This could raise some interesting questions.  What loss or injury  did the plaintiff suffer? What is the quantum of damages?

 

Cui bono? Well we know the answer to that. Primarily the lawyers who have had their snouts deep into a particularly generous trough. Plus the media that has been able to salivate over the ruination of an elderly icon, and the publicity-hungry Crown  Prosecution Service that desperately needed a success after a series of humiliating failures. The losers are us, who will for an enormously expensive investigation and trial as the price for the Establishment cover-ups over Savile.

 

So when 18 cops smash down your front door at 4 a.m. and nick you before you can scarper on your Zimmerframe you will know that you are bang-to-rights.

 

We are all guilty!

 

Postscript: there’s a much better scandal on the way. Grub Street as got hold of a story about a missing dossier detailing kiddy-fiddling by senior politicians in the 1980’s. This will run and run.