Did I really mean that?

On a lighter note, when I had a day-job I used to collect complaints letters that did not exactly express their true meanings. Here are some examples:

‘Our kitchen floor is damp. We have 2 children. We would like to have a third. Please send a man around to do something about it’

‘The toilet seat is cracked. Where do I stand?’

‘It's the dogs’ mess that I find hard to swallow.

‘I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off’.

‘I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage’.

‘I am writing on behalf of the sink, which is running away from the wall’.

‘The sink is blocked and we can’t bath the children until it is fixed’.

‘Please send someone to mend our broken path. Yesterday my wife tripped over it and now she is pregnant’.

‘This is to let you know that our lavatory is broken and we can’t get BBC 2 TV’.