Merckel, Merckel uber alles!

Your Teutonic Dominatrix appears to be well in charge of Western affairs at the moment. She has forged a cunning plan for the EU and the euro that will solve both political and economic problems and whip the recalcitrant Brits into compliance. Bottoms up, lads, you are in for a nasty lashing. Just put a eurocent in the cup as a tribute to your new currency. I wonder if notes will be printed with an image of her maj?

That looks like the scenario if Wolfgang Schäuble is to be believed. There is nothing more beautiful than rows of nations, like soldiers in steel helmets, goose-stepping together in a uniform line. The cadence is called in German, eins, swei, drei as Herr Kameron shouts 'eyes right' when the UK contingent marches past a grandstand on which the Dominatrix is seated. He holds a red, white and black banner emblazoned with the euro sign in the center. The slower-moving club med contingents bring up the rear. Somewhere in the middle are two circus wagons pulled by panzers. One contains George Papandreou and the other Berlusconi. Both men prowl their cages in disgrace and hide their faces as the pass the grandstand amid boos and cat calls from the throngs of spectators wearing arm bands with the euro symbol on them.

The good news is that not a shot was fired. Indeed, the entire affair was planned, executed and institutionalized with nothing worse than a few editorials doting on some rather unsavory characteristics of the new leaders. Odd, the editors have not printed anything lately, in fact, they have not even been seen. The Daily Telegraph and the Times have stopped printing altogether while the remaining rags all bear a euro emblem on the upper right hand corner of the front page of each edition. Broadcasting House is closed, emptied of its contents which were taken away last night in lorries escorted by the Metropolitan Police. One observer noted that the police cars bore the euro emblem on each front door and under which were crossed sabers.

The reaction here in the USA has been predictable. President Obama canceled the remainder of his trip to Indonesia remarking how much he admired and respected the German people. He also said something about a new relationship with Israel. Otherwise, very little although it has been reported that language schools from coast to coast have enjoyed an enrollment spike for German classes.

Locally, the wine shop has been closed by city officials in favor of a bier haus featuring German and a few other Northern European brands. Our mayor just ordered a new Mercedes SUV as did the president of the local bank. The newly established Mexican restaurant was closed this morning. A sign in the window read 'Coming Soon, the Hofbrauhaus'.